There are obviously not enough words in the English language and there are lots and
lots or words which do nothing other than hang around on the end credits of Doctor
Who, so taking our lead from a regular feature which used to appear in the British
newspaper "The Guardian", here at Newton's Laws of Television we present a new set of words
that will hopefully soon be appearing in a future edition of the Oxford English
KEY: nn - noun, vb - verb, adj - adjective, adv - adverb, hmstr - small
furry creaure often kept as a pet.
BIDMEAD. nn; a scientific concept that is particularly difficult to understand.
BRIERLEY. nn; a poor replacement., eg. a coathanger that is used as a car aerial
after the original has been vandalised may be termed a brierley.
COURTNEY. nn; oft-told story.
FIELDING. nn; one who is frequenty nicolaed (qv).
HARTNELL. vb; to frequently forget.
FRAZER. nn; one who defies the passage of time by not changing or aging
over long periods of time. Patrick Macnee is a famous frazer.
KATY. adj; small but perfectly formed, eg. "The baby's fingers are just so
HOWELL. nn (musical); a weird electronic screech, often heard in 80s
synthesiser pop music (this word's origin is of course as a distorted form of howl).
LAMBLE. vb; to overuse a joke to the point where it is no longer funny. eg.
"Don't you think that The Fast Show totally lambled the "Suits You" routine?"
NATHAN. vb; to overstay one's welcome. eg. "Richard really nathaned when he
came round on Saturday night".
NICOLA. vb; to tastelessly exploit a female. eg. "Don't you think that Sarah
Sutton was nicolaed when she had to remove her skirt in Terminus?"
PICARD. vb; to wander briefly off the point.
PIPANDJANE. adj, vulgar; awful, terrible, unpopular or looked down upon.
Alternative usage as a noun meaning one who writes completely prepostorous prose
in the construction of a person to person dialogue in a narrative television
context. The antonym to this usage is a holmes, which is not given in this
dictionary due to its very rare usage.
PLATT. adj; initially strange and surreal, but clearer on closer
observation, eg. a Magic Eye picture could be described as platt.
POWELL. nn. This entry is unfortunately unavailable due to its
SAWARD. nn; a hideous, bloody death. eg. "The main reason that I loved
the Nightmare on Elm Street films was because they were full of sawards".
WYATT. adj; strange, surreal.
Originally published in Think Tank issue 28 (Summer 1995).